


New Elf in Town

by Grey_wonderer



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-11
Updated: 2011-09-11
Packaged: 2017-10-23 15:39:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/252027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grey_wonderer/pseuds/Grey_wonderer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An interesting new cast member attracts the attention of most of the cast during lunch break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Elf in Town

**Author's Note:**

> This never happened. I don't know these people and I certainly don't know what they might get up to. This was written for fun and no harm is intended. GW
> 
> Written originally for a Live Journal FFFC challenge. Write something about 'hope'.

“What are you lot starrin’ at?” Billy asked as he joined Elijah and Orlando at a table for a quick lunch before shooting started again.

“New Elf,” Orlando said.

“Ye’ve been made redundant and they’ve hired a new Prince o‘ Mirkwood?” Billy asked, unwrapping his sandwich.

“No, they can’t film without me. I’m the star,” Orlando said flashing Billy a grin. “This new Elf is in the Rivendell scenes. She’s an Elf maiden.”

“She’s hot,” Elijah sighed.

“Who’s hot?” Sean asked sitting next to Elijah and placing his lunch on the table.

“Some she-elf,” Billy said taking a bite of his sandwich. He looked at Sean’s food and frowned. “I dinna know they had crisps.”

“Crisps? Oh, the potato chips! They were just putting them out when I got there. If you want some, you better hurry though,” Sean said. “It didn’t look like they had many and the crew was snapping them up as fast as they put them out.”

Billy glanced over at the catering truck in an attempt to guage his chances for success. There was a crowd swarming around it.

“I’m in love,” Orlando grinned. “I think Pete should write a scene where Legolas has a quick shag before the Quest.”

“I don’t think Elves shag,” Elijah laughed. “They’re too snotty.”

“Of course they shag. Elves are like bunnies. They shag all the time,” Orlando said. “They’ve lived for feckin’ ever and done everything there is to do in a world without telly or video games so they have ages and ages to just shag themselves senseless.”

“Well, I think it might be more entertaining if she shagged the Ring Bearer,” Elijah said. “Frodo’s the one with the fate of the world in his hands. He’s going off to risk his life for all of them. He deserves a night of passion before he goes.”

“Hope,” Dom said sitting down next to Sean and taking one of Sean's crisps.

“Yeah, he can hope and dream but there’s no way he’s getting’ any,” Orlando grinned.

“Those are my crisps,” Sean says, frowning at Dom.

“I only took one. Want it back?” Dom asked.

“She wants me,” Elijah said. “I can tell from here that she does.”

“Which one is the new one? All the elves look alike to me,” Billy said.

“The tall one with the long, blond, hair,” Elijah said.

“Oh, that helps,” Billy said rolling his eyes. “They all look like that. Proves my point. You’ve seen one Elf, you’ve seen them all.”

“You’re just jealous,” Orlando said.

“Of what?” Billy asked.

“Me,” Orlando said grinning at him.

“I’m not,” Billy objected. “I’m jealous of Astin.”

“You are?” Sean mumbled around a mouthful of sandwich.

“Aye, ye’ve got crisps and I don’t.”

Dom laughed. “Nick some. I did.”

“That’s cause ye’re a sneaky shite bastard,” Billy said. “I’m not like that.”

Sean frowned at both of them and pulled his bag of crisps away from that side of the table.

“I’m going over there and get to know our new co-star. I can eat any time,” Orlando said standing.

“Not alone, you aren’t!” Elijah declared standing also.

“She’s probably too old for you, mate,” Orlando said.

“I’m guessing she’s too smart for you,” Elijah shot back.

“Does she have crisps? If she does, then she’s my dream lass,” Billy said.

“Go over to craft services and get some crisps, Bills. If you want them that much, get up off yer arse and get them,” Dom said.

“Aye, and get you a pack too, maybe? You think I was born yesterday? I know what yer about, ye sly bastard. Get yer own crisps,” Billy said. “If I go over there, any crisps that I get’ll be mine.”

“Look, she’s bending over,” Orlando hissed and all eyes turned in that direction.

“Is she pickin’ up a pack ‘o crisps?” Billy asked, causing Dom to snort milk out his nose.

“Got ye,” Billy grinned as Dom reached for a napkin.

"Don't play games at the table. I'm trying to eat," Sean groaned, trying not to look amused.

“She’s got on the tiniest shorts I’ve ever seen,” Elijah sighed. “And I live in LA, so that’s saying something.”

“So, go back to LA, land of the scantily clad, and quit ogling the future Mrs. Bloom,” Orlando said.

“You can marry her after I’m done with her, mate,” Dom grinned. “I don’t want her for life. All I need is a few hours of her time.” He winked.

“Aye, Orlando,” Billy said. “Let Dommie have her for three minutes and then she’s free to become Mrs. Legolas of Mirkwood.”

“Three minutes?” Dom frowned, looking at Billy.

“I was bein’ optimistic,” Billy smiled. “I know ye might finish in two, but I though ye might want to chat her up a bit first.”

“If I finish in two, it will be the two most brilliant minutes of her life. It will ruin her for all other men. She’ll never get over me. You can be certain of that,” Dom said.

“I’m talking to her,” Elijah said. “I’m going over there and make my move.”

“You have a move?” Dom asked.

“Who knew?” Billy shrugged.

“Well, neither of you have talked to her,” Elijah said.

“Unless she’s got crisps, I’m not interested,” Billy said.

“I talked to her,” Dom grinned. “While you and the first-born here were trying to get your nerve up, I went over and spoke with her.”

“You did not!” Orlando said.

“I did.”

“What’s she like?” Elijah asked.

“Did she have any crisps?” Billy asked. “I’ll let her have a wee go at me *if* she’s got crisps.”

Sean sighed and slid the pack of crisps over to Billy. “Here, take these. I don’t want you attacking me. No food is worth that.”

Billy grinned and took the bag and waved it at Dom. “I have crisps and you don’t.”

“Never mind the crisps,” Orlando sighed. “If you talked to that goddess, then prove it, Dom. What’s her name?”

“I told you earlier but you weren’t listening,” Dom said.

“When? I don’t remember that,” Elijah frowned.

Dom sighed. “She’s twenty-two, from Auckland, has done several local adverts there, has modeled a bit, and her name is Hope.”

“Hope?” Orlando said.

“So earlier when you said, Hope, you meant her name, not that I hoped I’d get lucky with her,” Elijah said.

Dom nodded. “Spot on, Elwood. Nothing gets by you, does it?”

“So, you hit on her?”

“Steady, Elwood,” Dom grinned. “I asked her out for drinks later and then I plan to ‘hit on her’, I think. Does that mean what I think it does?”

Billy shrugged and crunched a crisp loudly.

“Well, I’m going over there and talk to her anyway,” Orlando said. “I saw her first.”

“I’m going too,” Elijah said and the two of them hurried off.

“So, you chatted her up?” Billy asked popping a crisp into his mouth.

“No, I read all that from the back of her photo,” Dom grinned. “It was lying on a table where all of the extras are standing.”

Billy grinned.

“So, you didn’t talk to her at all?” Sean said laughing.

“No, she’s not my type,” Dom said.

Billy crumpled up the empty crisp packet and tossed it into a nearby rubbish bin. “Well, that’s me off now.”

“Where you going?” Dom asked.

“To find some other poor sod with crisps and then talk him into givin‘ 'em to me,” Billy said.

“Look Bills!” Dom said pointing. “She really *does* have crisps!”

The three of them looked at the blond who was opening a package of crisps. Orlando and Elijah had just walked up to her and Orlando was saying something. The blond Elf put a crisp in her mouth and munched on it as she listened.

“That’s it! I’m in it now. Look at the way she's eatin' those crisps. This Hope lassie just became my dream girl. Legs up to her throat, a pack o' crisps, and a pulse. She's the only one for me," Billy said.

"Go get her, Bills. Don't come back without her. And bring me the crisps," Dom shouted after him.

"They'll scare her to death. All three of them swooping down on her at once like that," Sean frowned. "Poor girl."

“She looks fit. She'll be up to the challenge. The big question is, which one of them do you think will get to help her finish those crisps, Sean?” Dom asked. “Who has the best chance? Care to make a small wager?”

“If she’s clever, she’ll avoid all of them just like I plan to avoid a wager,” Sean said finishing that last of his sandwich.

“Well, as Gandalf would be likely to say, there's only a fool's ‘Hope’ that any of them will get lucky,” Dom grinned and Sean rolled his eyes.

 

06-17-2011


End file.
